For the past couple of years, I have felt as if something was wrong with me. Maybe I needed to tone down my honesty to better suit others. Maybe I needed to start pretending that I have everything under control. Maybe I needed to not be so fiercely loyal. Maybe I needed to learn how to let things go that bother me, so I don’t get offended or feel disrespected when others do those things to me repeatedly. Maybe I should just be this shell of the person I really am so that I will be accepted….
And it’s very hard to get out of your own head, especially when you have people in your life echoing those thoughts.
But then, on my 25th birthday I got these messages from two of my dear friends:
“I’ve known you for a while, thru the ups and downs, but you’ve always been a fighter, always wanting, always striving to be a better person. Not only are you an irreplaceable friend, but you’re one of the best mothers I’ve ever known.”
“You are such a beautiful person, so strong and so inspirational. I hope that I am half the woman you are someday.”
It’s true, I am always striving to be a better person. But I was stuck in a battle between striving to be someone else’s idea of a better person and striving to not lose myself in the process. Then I realized…there isn’t anything wrong with me. I don’t need to be “fixed”. Granted, no one is perfect and I do have flaws. But these people saw my qualities as something to be celebrated and not as problematic, as I had been made to believe. I needed those kind words more than ever. They helped permanently silence all of the doubts within.
With the arrival of my 25th birthday I made a few promises to myself:
- Schedule out some alone time and don’t let anything get in the way. Don’t feel like you are being selfish; you need to breathe to be a better mom (and wife).
- Don’t put any more effort or feed into toxic people/situations, it only harms you.
- Surround yourself with people who motivate, help and encourage you. You will keep moving forward with their support.
- Stop bottling it all up. If you are feeling a certain way, reach out and find a solution ASAP. Holding in your emotions only amplifies them.
- Stay away from people who make you feel that you are not a good person. The people you need in your life already know that you are.
I completely and wholeheartedly love myself. And not in a narcissistic way, but in a “I know who I am and I accept it” kind of way. It is so liberating and amazing. It’s easy to pick yourself apart and fall into a negative space… I hope that all the great moms I know stop and take the time to fall in love with everything that they are.
25 feels like it’s going to be my best year yet. 🙂